A few changes here and there

I have very good reason to believe that ":D" is a good friend of Ms. Amirah, though I can't be bothered to list out the reasons why. Those who are smart will start to see the patterns emerging. (hint: read the tag board XD)

Anyway, Ms. Amirah has requested me to check the English on her latest post, and I don't know what's your motive for asking me to do so; it could be a genuine, sincere request, or it could be some ridiculous, warped behaviour of yours to ask the most inappropriate thing at the most inappropriate time, but you know what? Whatever.

Since I like correcting English, I shall accede to your request, but before that, I'd like to offer a few words of apology.

Reading your latest blog post has allowed me to gain a deeper insight towards your true personality; it could very well be a front, but I am quite certain you've written from your heart. I mean, who am I to say, right? I shall take it at face value. I admit I was rather mean to showcase your and Ms. Elfiana's links so openly right there, and poke fun at your lack of prowess for the English language, and I do very much think I owe you and Ms. Elfiana an apology.

I don't know you people, yet I've mercilessly attacked the both of you with my harsh words, when actually, I think you're really nice people in real life.

Twithunter-no-more, I know what you mean now. Conscience got to you eh? Well, to be honest, my own conscience has been nagging at me too, and I DO constantly think about how horrible I've been to the two girls, when they've done nothing to me.

Normally I'm a nice person, but now you see what bad English does to me. =X

I've discussed this matter with the missus, and from now on, whatever blogs we… urm… source our subject of discussion from, we shall not link it up. And no, there will not be a roll of infamy or anything of that sort, because its so not nice to be nasty. All links will be removed as well.

Nasty is out, nice is in! :D

Because Dr. Marrion says so! XD

----------------

From now on, I have decided that this blog will be one that will actually HELP people, and the first effort I'm making out of it is to help Amirah with pointing out her mistakes; I repeat again that I am not (and never will be) perfect in my English, and there are tons of people out there whose prowess is far better than mine, but, whatever. Lol.

"Thinking for myself, I merely changed for the better and held an intensive desire to work hard this year and prove to everyone that I deserve to achieve my interested course in my dream polytechnic."

- Firstly, the word 'merely' should not be used at all, because it will look like an oxymoron; the subject of this sentence is something positive, and using 'merely' makes it seem as if changing for the better was something unworthy. When one uses "thinking for myself", it means that one wants to say that one is capable of independent thought; usually used in a different context from this. A more appropriate phrase to use would be "thinking back". 'held' should be 'had'. 'Intensive' is in the wrong tense; it should be 'intense'. 'Deserve to achieve' sounds a little off to me- perhaps a better way to phrase it would be: "… to prove to everyone that I do deserve to achieve my goal- which is my course of interest in my dream polytechnic".

"But my changes have grew a small lake full of misconceptions and thus leading to have feelings of insecurities for all my girlfriends. I was force to enter a room full of dilemmas. I am too weak to hold the room key and exit myself from the room. I have created instincts that will stab their hearts that were already filled with love for me... bla bla bla "

A nice attempt on the usage of the metaphor 'a small lake full of misconceptions'. I do get your idea behind implementing it, but to be honest, it sounds a little… 'off'. Ok, actually, to be honest, your whole post is full of mistakes and to correct every single one of it is going to be such a tiresome task to handle, so I think I'll stop here before I go bonkers. Instead, I'm going to offer you some tips:

1) Try to avoid using too many metaphors to describe something; I know in English class your English teacher may have urged you to 'describe' rather than 'explain'; that's a good piece of advice, but you see my dear, not EVERYTHING has to be vividly described in two or more sentences. Writing is an art form. The more books you read, the more you know what to describe and what NOT to describe; I know you are filled with tons of ideas and metaphors for the simplest of things in life, which you so badly want to put out in black and white, but, do remember that during exams, the invigilator WOULD NOT like to read paragraphs after paragraphs full of sentences that describe every single sordid little detail. It makes your piece very draggy and verbose.

2) My advice is: go into detail (i.e. describe- what you want to bring attention to- for e.g. a rose colored tea cup: "I stared forlornly at the intricate gold lines that ran in a curved fashion, from the top to bottom, etched beautifully into the rose-hued background; the ivory smoothness reminded me very much of his hands, which I longed to hold..."- this tool uncovers the more 'emotional' part of your conveyance to the reader, keeping him intrigued and at the same time, allowing him to picture the object in his mind)

3) Your grammar and tense. From what I can gather, your fundamental grasp of basic sentence structure and the usage of the tenses can be very much improved; each time you're unsure of which tense to use, re-read your whole sentence and decide whether you are referring to the present, future or past. I know, I know, its not that simple, there are other types of tense too, but let's not get to that today….

Ok, I think that's about all I'm capable of today, the assignments have been piling up like nobody's business, be glad that I took some time off to post this up, as a gesture of my sincere apology to everyone.

:D

A few words of explanation

You know, wifey and I just wanted to blog more about a certain selection of twits; we thought it'd be a fine way to de-stress and what better way than to take it out on idiots who mar the English language?

But, nay, we're now being accused by the sister of being part of some elaborate scheme to allow our blog to become a portal of hatred towards Emily.

o_O

Ok, firstly, I sincerely apologise for whatever distress that has come upon Emily, or should we call her Aziati, now. (The name Aziati is very nice, btw.)
We.. No, I never thought that it'd come to something like this; please believe that we never had any intention of bringing heartache to her. (for god's sake, we're her fans lah… wth.) Things got way out of hand when some of her haters blatantly assumed her to be us/me (or whatever) and started the whole bashing thing.

[FYI, the unstated theory I made in the beginning was that her haters read her blog religiously ala psycho stalker style. This was proven true by the hate tags in the tag board there. :)
None of you got my theory right. =))]

Let me reiterate again, you STUPID FUCKHEADS-

#1- Emily and her sis write way fucking differently from me and my girl.
#2- If you have a fucking problem with Emily, go create your own hate blog. Just don't cry foul when no one visits it. We obviously pwn you losers. :)
#3- This blog wasn't meant to be a "all-hail-Emily" site; if you bloody twat heads bothered to notice and comprehend the meaning behind the oh-so-simple blog name, you'd realise that we bash STUPID TWATS WHO WRITE WITH BOMBASTIC ENGLISH WORDS (and) those dumb kids who wriitee lykk thiis.
#4- Why do we do that? Because it irks us. Just like Emily irks you, I didn't go to their blogs to verbally abuse them, or their families, unlike some sorry specimens of twats some of you are, e.g.- " :D / :) " We had the brains to express our discontent on this blog/site. Then again, judging from your choice of tag handle, whoever you are, it pretty much reflects how much grey matter you possess, which is, sadly, nil. :)
#5- Yes, we still hate those stupid kids who wriiiitteee lyykkk thiiiis w000rrs. You have a problem with that? Go create your OWN bash blog too. Be my bloody guest. Again, don't come crying bloody murder when no one supports your pro-twit/twat stand.

All that said, To Lin, I do read your blog too, and enjoy your posts, but that's not the point; it's very sad that you'd think so lowly of us when our intentions were nowhere near malicious towards your sister.

Again, I and the Prof apologise very sincerely for causing you and Aziati distress. Emily, I do hope you make your blog public again… I really miss reading your posts, and I'm sure the missus does too, and so do your other tons of fans.


Yours Sincerely,
Dr.Marrion

Hello Idiots.

Oh le sigh.

Why oh why do you bunch of people enjoy making a fool out of yourselves by repeatedly hate tagging against Emily, whom you assume to be ME?

(sidetrack a little: that's quite the compliment... lol)

Anyway, your blatant assumptions only serve to ignite more laughter from MY SIDE; because you little kids know SO LITTLE about my existence, and I've hit YOUR FRIENDS right below the belt, and you're struggling to pinpoint the exact person who's responsible for this site that features your two beloved hypocritical, fake, dumbass bitch(es), and thus the only link you see is to Emily.

Uhm, HELLO?

I am a FAN of Emily?

Does that sentence mean anything to you?

I never knew Emily had so much haters; why do you people hate her so much? I know this didn't stem from the existence of this blog; the roots run way deeper than it appears to.

Let me say first- I hate stupid twats who write as if they know so much, using such bombastic words, because it annoys the FUCK out of me to see mutilated English (sorry Em, I love English a little more lol) and it just so happens that those people related to Emily are trying too hard to be like her, but fail horribly in their attempts to emulate her, be it physically or via writing style.

And, as a FAN, I am highly offended by that, so if you people think you can do better than me in dissing asswipes who attempt to be her, or write horribly, then go create your own blog to diss whatever you're not happy with.

Your biased, completely obtuse, warped sense of "justice" does little to ruffle my feathers; if anything, it shows (may I repeat again) your stupidity.

But thank me, I've removed those tags in order to spare EVERYONE the embarrassment.

My Idol included.

:)

Have a nice life, assholes! Don't bother tagging unless you have something constructive to say.

Twats and Made in china product manuals

This will be an extremely short post, but something interesting just struck me.

Have any of you ever come across one of those user manuals for products made in china? You know, the one where its printed on some thin, budget paper, and when you read it you get all giggly because of the tons of grammatical mistakes and the usage of the occasional decasyllabic word which should'nt be there?

Yeah. THAT kind of manual.

If you've never come across one before, don't fret. You are NOT deprived.

Twatty blogs sound *almost* the same as those manuals- only this time, they talk about some random aspect of their lives, like, "I ardor photography" or, "I odium spinach", and of course, with the cheem, never seen before word they managed to source from the trusty thesaurus.

heh heh heh.

And urm, for those who were born without the sarcasm detector installed, the abovementioned examples are SARCASTIC. They DON'T MAKE SENSE because I purposely wrote it that way to simulate an example of how a twat would write.

-rolls eyes-

Thesaurus, Me and Thesaurus.

It was a convivial day with my cool mates just now. We was at Pasir Ris park mimicrying every single incomer that walks passed us. It is cool to do that. I feel we could swarm ourselves with this reigning game again. We has the tendency to mock incomer is fun. You boring people should wrench inside our bag and try it one ornate day. Although we were narcoleptic, but we had ostentatious time. Heh. I want to repose now because I'm feeling torpor already. ZzZzZz...

Don't you want to give a round of loud applause for me since I can write such GOOD command of English?

Every sentence has at least one, if not two or more, cheem-sounding word and since it's already too cheem for almost everyone reading it, no one will bother to detect my grammatical errors, if there's any, mind you, since I already have such powderful Engrish. So, you people should start tagging how awed you are with my writing. Don't forget the multiple smiley faces after the full stop. Thanks!

You see, Twats believe that the more you litter your sentences with one too many bombastic words, the cooler you are than anyone else because only sentences with bombastic words are deemed as "good" English. It doesn't matter if it's structurally wrong, doesn't make complete sense, or evidently redundant. Just coat every sentence with big words, and you are one step closer to winning the Pulitzer Prize.

How can it be good English when they can't even get the SIMPLE rules of English right? Here are the common mistakes made by Twats who think they can be perceived as someone who has GOOD English:

(Sentences are from random Twat's blogs that has an overload of cheem English words but never right in every sense. Address will not be revealed due to carelessness on author's part.)

Common mistake #1:

-Although I was lethargic, but I had a stupendous time.

Did you fall asleep during English class Miss? Although and but should NEVER be together! It's either although or but. Choose only one! D'oh?

Common mistake #2:

-Please held my hand and never surrender to harsh days.

You sure held is the present tense? So what is hold? You can't even get your past and present tense right my dear! How's that for a good writer?

Common mistake #3:

-I felt I am in a dark bowl of hole and no one can ever save me. I was so hopeless.

*faints* Read above comment.

You call such English GOOD? Stop pulling my leg, come on!

I don't have a problem with Twat #1, Ms. Elfiana actually. She may have made grammatical mistakes every now and then but I am not as anal as Dr Marrion. I can disregard all that, unlike Twat#2's case.

Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I am, as what you have read on the top-right side of this page, Prof Marrion. I am *squeals* Dr Marrion's cyber-wedded wife. While he may have obtained the coveted Doctorate in English Studies eons ago, I am still climbing the ladder. With his guidance and *squeals louder* sweet patience, I hope I will be as good as him.

Don't compare me to him all right. I am but a loyal wife who just boosted his damn ego.

Back to Twat #2's case. Like what she wrote, she's still learning and that it's inevitable to err because, well, she's still learning. But that introductory section is too much of a sore to the eyes and I almost puked my intestines out when more often than not, your "friends", feed you with compliments about your "good" English.

What is the world coming to, we ask. Tsk.

Now I am not sure when did the trend of "please use big words when writing and you will be sure be admired by many" emerge but it seems to be practised religiously by teens now, or famously known as, Twats.

I have been making my rounds recently and I noticed that they are quite a number of people trying so hard to be on par with the rest of their peers, by plagiarizing, regurgitating, etc. But does all that really gain you the fame of a "good writer"? Does writing that way means you have the attributes of a "good writer"?

I know it's cool to be looked upon as someone who writes naturally well, with hundreds of readers hogging your blog everyday, topped with endless compliments and the like. But if the thesaurus is your best friend for every piece of entry you're posting all the time, with words that don't even make sense, who's at the losing end? The twats!

It's not entirely wrong to refer to the thesaurus at times, but twats refer to it every second whilst writing, hoping to find an alien-sounding word that no one knows of, and blindly fit them in, without even checking the MEANING.

And it's not only Amirah, there are other "good writers" too. More on the upcoming posts.

Yes, Dr Marrion mentioned it before but he was emphasizing more on their stupidity, with which I wholeheartedly concur upon, no doubt. :)

(edit)
Amirah has changed her blog profile to a nice, simple, useless bombastic words-free profile. So we can stop being anal about it now.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

(/edit)

Bitchiness: A must have accessory for every Twat

You know the other thing about twats that escaped evolution?

Its been going around the blogosphere for like, forever.

Twits, apparently, have a very low or, should I say- veerriii l0ww dde 'THRESHOLD' (sorry couldn't find the twit equivalent of threshold) for content duplication and implementation.

In English, that means that they get extremely worked up (trust me, that's an understatement) when they see a fellow twit having the exact same blogskin as theirs, when even an idiot knows that a twit's sense of style is limited to the colors pink, black, pink, pink, pink and black, and that OBVIOUSLY many twits would have the same types of blogskin since, well, they liiikeee mahhss. All liiikee blacck anddd piiinkk dde lahhs. Offf c0rrrs theey anggriiee dde... sh00 un0riginall de l0rrs...

-rolls eyes-

So they get all flustered and start bitching about the other person on every available net space- tag boards, friendster, blogs of friends- et al. and then an all out war starts.

The same can pretty much be said about TWATS.

Although blogskin duplication and implementation is pretty much a rare sight (since black is SUCH a universal color and blogskins.com has such a wide array of emo skins), with twat blogs, things such as lyrics and content theft (plagiarism?) are very much frowned upon, despite the fact that the lyrics do not actually belong to the first twat per se, and that the blog content can pretty much be just a few bombastic words, which, AGAIN, ARE NOT THE PROPERTY of the twat.

In fact, if we want to be anal about this, as long as one reproduces lyrics without permission from the songwriter, it should pretty much be an offence.

Now, you dumb backstabbing fake bitches, do you realise that? Obviously not right?

But of course, the recording industry closes one eye since well, if they wanted to arrest every person who reproduced lyrics, practically the whole world would go to jail.

I honestly feel that its rather stupid, not to mention hilarious when we observe these people, because words are nothing but mere letters; it's only when its strung together with skill and creativity in a SENTENCE that people should take offense if someone reproduces it and passes it off as his own. Not get all spastic and retarded when some song lyrics are taken off or a few words stolen.

-rolls eyes again-

And if YOU are sharp -stares at a certain reader-, you'd KNOW that I'm hinting about YOUR BITCHY CHARACTER.

You know who you are, I know you read this blog, and be glad you've managed to hone my patience with your… bitchcraft.

I'm not perfect; neither are you, and I get pissed off pretty easily, but of late your entries seem to make a lot of sense, unlike before, so, as a sign of respect for a fellow blogger (who grew some brains, fortunately) who KNOWS what she's writing, I shall therefore not identify you.

But, I'm sure you're smart enough to know that I'm referring to you.

=)

And a warning to all Pro-English wannabes out there- You little girls better watch out for us… For you DON'T want to be a featured character on this blog; I assure you its very humilating. Just be yourselves, girls, WHY OH WHY do you want to be something you aren't?

Go do something you're good at, and bloody excel in it, for god's sake- This scene ain't for you if you ain't got the skillz. Don't bloody make a fool out of yourself by fouling up while trying to act cool. You can be cool by just being yourself and doing what you think is right.

FAHAM TAK?


-Dr.Marrion
XOXO

Theory of twatty relativity. Twat = Idiot x Imbecile squared

Oooh. It seems the first two twats who have made it into the (dis)honorable Roll of Infamy have gone all ballistic over my little 'tribute' to them.

HA HA HA.

Well, that keeps me happy a little. Turns out my theory was right.

Oh, twats, don't bother with trying to figure out what theory, you will never get it anyway. XD

You know, the both of you should be bloody proud. You both take the first two spots on the Roll

of Infamy, and I can tell you that in the whole history of Twatism, you are

THE FIRST FAMOUS TWO!

But, please don't let this little perk get to your heads. This blog isn't just about the both of you, its focussed on IDIOTS who WRITE like YOU. I don't personally know any of the people I've mentioned on this site (including Emily, I'm just a regular reader of her blog and one of her biggest fans); I just have a huge problem with a twat's fucking way of writing. Sorry, but if I offended you, you should care to know that you bunch of twerps offended me in the first place with that horrible writing of yours.

Let me be clear first that I don't have anything personal against your kind of people; i.e. the excessive cam whoring, depressingly despressing emo make up and yada yada yada (though I can't say I won't occasionally make scant references to those attributes, meh.) I just have a damned fucking problem with you bunch of bloody fakes that it drives me crazy reading your shit.

:D

And, please don't call me a bitch. Don't fucking assume a person whose name is Marrion is necessairily a GIRL, fuckheads.

-rolls eyes-

PS: Feel free to spam twit/twatty blogs on the tagboard. Have fun people!

:D