This will be an extremely short post, but something interesting just struck me.
Have any of you ever come across one of those user manuals for products made in china? You know, the one where its printed on some thin, budget paper, and when you read it you get all giggly because of the tons of grammatical mistakes and the usage of the occasional decasyllabic word which should'nt be there?
Yeah. THAT kind of manual.
If you've never come across one before, don't fret. You are NOT deprived.
Twatty blogs sound *almost* the same as those manuals- only this time, they talk about some random aspect of their lives, like, "I ardor photography" or, "I odium spinach", and of course, with the cheem, never seen before word they managed to source from the trusty thesaurus.
heh heh heh.
And urm, for those who were born without the sarcasm detector installed, the abovementioned examples are SARCASTIC. They DON'T MAKE SENSE because I purposely wrote it that way to simulate an example of how a twat would write.
-rolls eyes-
Showing posts with label Twats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twats. Show all posts
Friday, April 6, 2007
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Thesaurus, Me and Thesaurus.
It was a convivial day with my cool mates just now. We was at Pasir Ris park mimicrying every single incomer that walks passed us. It is cool to do that. I feel we could swarm ourselves with this reigning game again. We has the tendency to mock incomer is fun. You boring people should wrench inside our bag and try it one ornate day. Although we were narcoleptic, but we had ostentatious time. Heh. I want to repose now because I'm feeling torpor already. ZzZzZz...
Don't you want to give a round of loud applause for me since I can write such GOOD command of English?
Every sentence has at least one, if not two or more, cheem-sounding word and since it's already too cheem for almost everyone reading it, no one will bother to detect my grammatical errors, if there's any, mind you, since I already have such powderful Engrish. So, you people should start tagging how awed you are with my writing. Don't forget the multiple smiley faces after the full stop. Thanks!
You see, Twats believe that the more you litter your sentences with one too many bombastic words, the cooler you are than anyone else because only sentences with bombastic words are deemed as "good" English. It doesn't matter if it's structurally wrong, doesn't make complete sense, or evidently redundant. Just coat every sentence with big words, and you are one step closer to winning the Pulitzer Prize.
How can it be good English when they can't even get the SIMPLE rules of English right? Here are the common mistakes made by Twats who think they can be perceived as someone who has GOOD English:
(Sentences are from random Twat's blogs that has an overload of cheem English words but never right in every sense. Address will not be revealed due to carelessness on author's part.)
Common mistake #1:
-Although I was lethargic, but I had a stupendous time.
Did you fall asleep during English class Miss? Although and but should NEVER be together! It's either although or but. Choose only one! D'oh?
Common mistake #2:
-Please held my hand and never surrender to harsh days.
You sure held is the present tense? So what is hold? You can't even get your past and present tense right my dear! How's that for a good writer?
Common mistake #3:
-I felt I am in a dark bowl of hole and no one can ever save me. I was so hopeless.
*faints* Read above comment.
You call such English GOOD? Stop pulling my leg, come on!
I don't have a problem with Twat #1, Ms. Elfiana actually. She may have made grammatical mistakes every now and then but I am not as anal as Dr Marrion. I can disregard all that, unlike Twat#2's case.
Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I am, as what you have read on the top-right side of this page, Prof Marrion. I am *squeals* Dr Marrion's cyber-wedded wife. While he may have obtained the coveted Doctorate in English Studies eons ago, I am still climbing the ladder. With his guidance and *squeals louder* sweet patience, I hope I will be as good as him.
Don't compare me to him all right. I am but a loyal wife who just boosted his damn ego.
Back to Twat #2's case. Like what she wrote, she's still learning and that it's inevitable to err because, well, she's still learning. But that introductory section is too much of a sore to the eyes and I almost puked my intestines out when more often than not, your "friends", feed you with compliments about your "good" English.
What is the world coming to, we ask. Tsk.
Now I am not sure when did the trend of "please use big words when writing and you will be sure be admired by many" emerge but it seems to be practised religiously by teens now, or famously known as, Twats.
I have been making my rounds recently and I noticed that they are quite a number of people trying so hard to be on par with the rest of their peers, by plagiarizing, regurgitating, etc. But does all that really gain you the fame of a "good writer"? Does writing that way means you have the attributes of a "good writer"?
I know it's cool to be looked upon as someone who writes naturally well, with hundreds of readers hogging your blog everyday, topped with endless compliments and the like. But if the thesaurus is your best friend for every piece of entry you're posting all the time, with words that don't even make sense, who's at the losing end? The twats!
It's not entirely wrong to refer to the thesaurus at times, but twats refer to it every second whilst writing, hoping to find an alien-sounding word that no one knows of, and blindly fit them in, without even checking the MEANING.
And it's not only Amirah, there are other "good writers" too. More on the upcoming posts.
Yes, Dr Marrion mentioned it before but he was emphasizing more on their stupidity, with which I wholeheartedly concur upon, no doubt. :)
(edit)
Amirah has changed her blog profile to a nice, simple, useless bombastic words-free profile. So we can stop being anal about it now.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
(/edit)
Don't you want to give a round of loud applause for me since I can write such GOOD command of English?
Every sentence has at least one, if not two or more, cheem-sounding word and since it's already too cheem for almost everyone reading it, no one will bother to detect my grammatical errors, if there's any, mind you, since I already have such powderful Engrish. So, you people should start tagging how awed you are with my writing. Don't forget the multiple smiley faces after the full stop. Thanks!
You see, Twats believe that the more you litter your sentences with one too many bombastic words, the cooler you are than anyone else because only sentences with bombastic words are deemed as "good" English. It doesn't matter if it's structurally wrong, doesn't make complete sense, or evidently redundant. Just coat every sentence with big words, and you are one step closer to winning the Pulitzer Prize.
How can it be good English when they can't even get the SIMPLE rules of English right? Here are the common mistakes made by Twats who think they can be perceived as someone who has GOOD English:
(Sentences are from random Twat's blogs that has an overload of cheem English words but never right in every sense. Address will not be revealed due to carelessness on author's part.)
Common mistake #1:
-Although I was lethargic, but I had a stupendous time.
Did you fall asleep during English class Miss? Although and but should NEVER be together! It's either although or but. Choose only one! D'oh?
Common mistake #2:
-Please held my hand and never surrender to harsh days.
You sure held is the present tense? So what is hold? You can't even get your past and present tense right my dear! How's that for a good writer?
Common mistake #3:
-I felt I am in a dark bowl of hole and no one can ever save me. I was so hopeless.
*faints* Read above comment.
You call such English GOOD? Stop pulling my leg, come on!
I don't have a problem with Twat #1, Ms. Elfiana actually. She may have made grammatical mistakes every now and then but I am not as anal as Dr Marrion. I can disregard all that, unlike Twat#2's case.
Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I am, as what you have read on the top-right side of this page, Prof Marrion. I am *squeals* Dr Marrion's cyber-wedded wife. While he may have obtained the coveted Doctorate in English Studies eons ago, I am still climbing the ladder. With his guidance and *squeals louder* sweet patience, I hope I will be as good as him.
Don't compare me to him all right. I am but a loyal wife who just boosted his damn ego.
Back to Twat #2's case. Like what she wrote, she's still learning and that it's inevitable to err because, well, she's still learning. But that introductory section is too much of a sore to the eyes and I almost puked my intestines out when more often than not, your "friends", feed you with compliments about your "good" English.
What is the world coming to, we ask. Tsk.
Now I am not sure when did the trend of "please use big words when writing and you will be sure be admired by many" emerge but it seems to be practised religiously by teens now, or famously known as, Twats.
I have been making my rounds recently and I noticed that they are quite a number of people trying so hard to be on par with the rest of their peers, by plagiarizing, regurgitating, etc. But does all that really gain you the fame of a "good writer"? Does writing that way means you have the attributes of a "good writer"?
I know it's cool to be looked upon as someone who writes naturally well, with hundreds of readers hogging your blog everyday, topped with endless compliments and the like. But if the thesaurus is your best friend for every piece of entry you're posting all the time, with words that don't even make sense, who's at the losing end? The twats!
It's not entirely wrong to refer to the thesaurus at times, but twats refer to it every second whilst writing, hoping to find an alien-sounding word that no one knows of, and blindly fit them in, without even checking the MEANING.
And it's not only Amirah, there are other "good writers" too. More on the upcoming posts.
Yes, Dr Marrion mentioned it before but he was emphasizing more on their stupidity, with which I wholeheartedly concur upon, no doubt. :)
(edit)
Amirah has changed her blog profile to a nice, simple, useless bombastic words-free profile. So we can stop being anal about it now.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
(/edit)
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Bitchiness: A must have accessory for every Twat
You know the other thing about twats that escaped evolution?
Its been going around the blogosphere for like, forever.
Twits, apparently, have a very low or, should I say- veerriii l0ww dde 'THRESHOLD' (sorry couldn't find the twit equivalent of threshold) for content duplication and implementation.
In English, that means that they get extremely worked up (trust me, that's an understatement) when they see a fellow twit having the exact same blogskin as theirs, when even an idiot knows that a twit's sense of style is limited to the colors pink, black, pink, pink, pink and black, and that OBVIOUSLY many twits would have the same types of blogskin since, well, they liiikeee mahhss. All liiikee blacck anddd piiinkk dde lahhs. Offf c0rrrs theey anggriiee dde... sh00 un0riginall de l0rrs...
-rolls eyes-
So they get all flustered and start bitching about the other person on every available net space- tag boards, friendster, blogs of friends- et al. and then an all out war starts.
The same can pretty much be said about TWATS.
Although blogskin duplication and implementation is pretty much a rare sight (since black is SUCH a universal color and blogskins.com has such a wide array of emo skins), with twat blogs, things such as lyrics and content theft (plagiarism?) are very much frowned upon, despite the fact that the lyrics do not actually belong to the first twat per se, and that the blog content can pretty much be just a few bombastic words, which, AGAIN, ARE NOT THE PROPERTY of the twat.
In fact, if we want to be anal about this, as long as one reproduces lyrics without permission from the songwriter, it should pretty much be an offence.
Now, you dumb backstabbing fake bitches, do you realise that? Obviously not right?
But of course, the recording industry closes one eye since well, if they wanted to arrest every person who reproduced lyrics, practically the whole world would go to jail.
I honestly feel that its rather stupid, not to mention hilarious when we observe these people, because words are nothing but mere letters; it's only when its strung together with skill and creativity in a SENTENCE that people should take offense if someone reproduces it and passes it off as his own. Not get all spastic and retarded when some song lyrics are taken off or a few words stolen.
-rolls eyes again-
And if YOU are sharp -stares at a certain reader-, you'd KNOW that I'm hinting about YOUR BITCHY CHARACTER.
You know who you are, I know you read this blog, and be glad you've managed to hone my patience with your… bitchcraft.
I'm not perfect; neither are you, and I get pissed off pretty easily, but of late your entries seem to make a lot of sense, unlike before, so, as a sign of respect for a fellow blogger (who grew some brains, fortunately) who KNOWS what she's writing, I shall therefore not identify you.
But, I'm sure you're smart enough to know that I'm referring to you.
=)
And a warning to all Pro-English wannabes out there- You little girls better watch out for us… For you DON'T want to be a featured character on this blog; I assure you its very humilating. Just be yourselves, girls, WHY OH WHY do you want to be something you aren't?
Go do something you're good at, and bloody excel in it, for god's sake- This scene ain't for you if you ain't got the skillz. Don't bloody make a fool out of yourself by fouling up while trying to act cool. You can be cool by just being yourself and doing what you think is right.
FAHAM TAK?
-Dr.Marrion
XOXO
Its been going around the blogosphere for like, forever.
Twits, apparently, have a very low or, should I say- veerriii l0ww dde 'THRESHOLD' (sorry couldn't find the twit equivalent of threshold) for content duplication and implementation.
In English, that means that they get extremely worked up (trust me, that's an understatement) when they see a fellow twit having the exact same blogskin as theirs, when even an idiot knows that a twit's sense of style is limited to the colors pink, black, pink, pink, pink and black, and that OBVIOUSLY many twits would have the same types of blogskin since, well, they liiikeee mahhss. All liiikee blacck anddd piiinkk dde lahhs. Offf c0rrrs theey anggriiee dde... sh00 un0riginall de l0rrs...
-rolls eyes-
So they get all flustered and start bitching about the other person on every available net space- tag boards, friendster, blogs of friends- et al. and then an all out war starts.
The same can pretty much be said about TWATS.
Although blogskin duplication and implementation is pretty much a rare sight (since black is SUCH a universal color and blogskins.com has such a wide array of emo skins), with twat blogs, things such as lyrics and content theft (plagiarism?) are very much frowned upon, despite the fact that the lyrics do not actually belong to the first twat per se, and that the blog content can pretty much be just a few bombastic words, which, AGAIN, ARE NOT THE PROPERTY of the twat.
In fact, if we want to be anal about this, as long as one reproduces lyrics without permission from the songwriter, it should pretty much be an offence.
Now, you dumb backstabbing fake bitches, do you realise that? Obviously not right?
But of course, the recording industry closes one eye since well, if they wanted to arrest every person who reproduced lyrics, practically the whole world would go to jail.
I honestly feel that its rather stupid, not to mention hilarious when we observe these people, because words are nothing but mere letters; it's only when its strung together with skill and creativity in a SENTENCE that people should take offense if someone reproduces it and passes it off as his own. Not get all spastic and retarded when some song lyrics are taken off or a few words stolen.
-rolls eyes again-
And if YOU are sharp -stares at a certain reader-, you'd KNOW that I'm hinting about YOUR BITCHY CHARACTER.
You know who you are, I know you read this blog, and be glad you've managed to hone my patience with your… bitchcraft.
I'm not perfect; neither are you, and I get pissed off pretty easily, but of late your entries seem to make a lot of sense, unlike before, so, as a sign of respect for a fellow blogger (who grew some brains, fortunately) who KNOWS what she's writing, I shall therefore not identify you.
But, I'm sure you're smart enough to know that I'm referring to you.
=)
And a warning to all Pro-English wannabes out there- You little girls better watch out for us… For you DON'T want to be a featured character on this blog; I assure you its very humilating. Just be yourselves, girls, WHY OH WHY do you want to be something you aren't?
Go do something you're good at, and bloody excel in it, for god's sake- This scene ain't for you if you ain't got the skillz. Don't bloody make a fool out of yourself by fouling up while trying to act cool. You can be cool by just being yourself and doing what you think is right.
FAHAM TAK?
-Dr.Marrion
XOXO
Monday, April 2, 2007
Of Twats and scene kids
So Twits type liiikee thiiis worrs. How do Twats type then?
Twats are those who mar their blogs with their horribly thesaurus(ed) words, which more than 80% of the time are nth-syllabic (where n denotes the latin version of an integer which is more than or equal to 10, e.g. deca-), and are usually found in the deepest, most ulu-est part of the Oxford dictionary, in the hopes of appearing as intelligent or educated as Queen Elizabeth, if not, more.
Since Twits belong to the leftmost end of the bell curve (see Fig. 1; click to enlarge),
Twats rightfully fall into the opposite extreme, since well, we have to give them credit for having some semblance or, speck, if you may, of this thing called a brain. But of course, they can never be smarter than peas and Hard-O-Gay. :D
Oh, many apologies to the Twits and Twats out there; go to http://google.com/ to find out what a BRAIN means, since we all know T&Ts lack the above mentioned organ.
Anyway, the General of the Twat Patrol (General hor, don't play play) recently showed me a couple of blogs that got my royal arse laughing non-stop at the atrocious and ridiculous usage of nth-syllabic words; peppered in a random fashion across the pink/black/emo background. I think I shall skip the shit-throwing and show you specially selected excerpts from two blogs.
But first, the disclaimers:
1. I am not to be held responsible for a reader's death following his/her patronage to my blog, especially so after reading the hilariously ridiculous shit that's about to be reproduced.
2. I am not a regular reader of ANY of the blogs whose texts I have excerpted. Oh my lord, no. *shudders*
3. I am not to be held responsible for hate tags against those blogs by my readers. Iweakly strongly *ahem* advise you people not to hate tag. Vely vely bad.
*wags fingers*
a) From the blog belonging to Ms. Elfiana.
Tee hee. Such 'perfecsion' with her words, no? XD
If that didn't get you laughing, here's an Engrish.com-worthy excerpt from Ms. Amirah.
[Pasted in glaring hot pink at the top of the blog:]
- Ahh. I didn't know I had 'junks' around me; let alone repugnant. *looks around self* What do 'repugnant junks' look like anyway?
- Ok, give me a moment to digest "randomization". I thought there was a proper noun to describe 'random'. Or did the thesaurus and/or dictionary leave out the word 'randomness'?
- PHOWAAAR! She has a 'daily unfathomable diversion' y'all! All hail the Queen of Daily Unfathomable Diversions! XD
- "The wind blows, the turtle is wounded." - or so says a random Japanese T-shirt from Engrish.com -shrugs-
And that's only the first half of the introduction. Here's the equally (if not more) ridiculous second part:
- You mean stars can exist and glow in rooms? O_O
- I've never come across a 'galling human being' before…
I swear, I lost 5 pounds just reading that error ridded, obscenely verbose and (sadly) pathetic attempt at intellectualizing an introduction.
Maybe you should take a look at the framed 'quotation' proudly displayed to the right of the 'introduction'. I swear, you will laugh your balls (or tits) off when you realize how outrageously IMBECILIC IT LOOKS. Its akin to proudly displaying a plaque that exhibits how blindly dependent one is on one's thesaurus and dictionary, without giving a flying fuck about whether or not it can be used as such.
Oh hell, I bet she cannot even pronounce thesaurus properly. >=(
Well, at least she isn't as idiotic as a bimbo who once asked me if a thesaurus was a big or small dinosaur… >.>
And that's not the only good part. Maybe I shall leave her blog posts in her blog for you readers. It makes good toilet reading material, or when you need a script to play the role of the mightiest imbecile in history. But then again, just donning a George Bush mask would suffice.
Twats are those who mar their blogs with their horribly thesaurus(ed) words, which more than 80% of the time are nth-syllabic (where n denotes the latin version of an integer which is more than or equal to 10, e.g. deca-), and are usually found in the deepest, most ulu-est part of the Oxford dictionary, in the hopes of appearing as intelligent or educated as Queen Elizabeth, if not, more.
Since Twits belong to the leftmost end of the bell curve (see Fig. 1; click to enlarge),
Twats rightfully fall into the opposite extreme, since well, we have to give them credit for having some semblance or, speck, if you may, of this thing called a brain. But of course, they can never be smarter than peas and Hard-O-Gay. :D
Uufooooooooooooooo! \m/
Oh, many apologies to the Twits and Twats out there; go to http://google.com/ to find out what a BRAIN means, since we all know T&Ts lack the above mentioned organ.
Anyway, the General of the Twat Patrol (General hor, don't play play) recently showed me a couple of blogs that got my royal arse laughing non-stop at the atrocious and ridiculous usage of nth-syllabic words; peppered in a random fashion across the pink/black/emo background. I think I shall skip the shit-throwing and show you specially selected excerpts from two blogs.
[WARNING- NOT FOR THE ANAL ENGLISH READER]
(Well, unless you want to die of laughter, hee hee hee)
(Well, unless you want to die of laughter, hee hee hee)
But first, the disclaimers:
1. I am not to be held responsible for a reader's death following his/her patronage to my blog, especially so after reading the hilariously ridiculous shit that's about to be reproduced.
2. I am not a regular reader of ANY of the blogs whose texts I have excerpted. Oh my lord, no. *shudders*
3. I am not to be held responsible for hate tags against those blogs by my readers. I
*wags fingers*
***********************
a) From the blog belonging to Ms. Elfiana.
"It's amusing how viewing my blog have become your daily routine"And surprisingly, the owner of the blog insists that there is NOTHING WRONG with that sentence!
And yes, I AM Dr. Marrion! :D
"I pretended as if i know nothing all this while because i had to.Anyway,i don't have any intension of adding on to this commosion.Each of you are behaving rather childish by blaming one another when the fact is,it's everyone's fault.It's this thing called ego,which made you to continue fighting for your so called right "
Tee hee. Such 'perfecsion' with her words, no? XD
If that didn't get you laughing, here's an Engrish.com-worthy excerpt from Ms. Amirah.
[Pasted in glaring hot pink at the top of the blog:]
- Marvel affability? If you say so… -shrugs-
"Neither am I your middling female friend nor a scene kid across the street. I am a solitude child. My marvel affability is merely to people who can amuse me in just 4 seconds."
- Well, I don't know about the level of my cynicism(s), but her writing really makes me cynical about her purported intelligence...
"Yes I am short but I hold a high level of cynicisms."
"Being called a bitch is so typical unless you bitch with me, I will make sure you ingest your own repugnant junks."
- Ahh. I didn't know I had 'junks' around me; let alone repugnant. *looks around self* What do 'repugnant junks' look like anyway?
"An irksome stalker & an incomparable listener you decide. Randomization flows in my every single bloodstream, mind you."
- Ok, give me a moment to digest "randomization". I thought there was a proper noun to describe 'random'. Or did the thesaurus and/or dictionary leave out the word 'randomness'?
" Deeply scrutinize people body languages & conversations is my daily unfathomable diversion."
- PHOWAAAR! She has a 'daily unfathomable diversion' y'all! All hail the Queen of Daily Unfathomable Diversions! XD
"Simplicity materialize to be perfect."
- "The wind blows, the turtle is wounded." - or so says a random Japanese T-shirt from Engrish.com -shrugs-
[side track- I MUST REALLY SEND THIS TO ENGRISH.COM. SERIOUSLY.]
And that's only the first half of the introduction. Here's the equally (if not more) ridiculous second part:
"Have a preference being unaccompanied in my dark room where only stars glow"
- You mean stars can exist and glow in rooms? O_O
"bla bla bla... than being stared by galling human beings."
- I've never come across a 'galling human being' before…
BLA BLA BLA, one whole chunk of rubbish (in red):"Only my Mom knows me the best and impede from portraying theatrical acts about you and me. [So therefore I should hinder the portrayal of theatrical acts with regards to her and myself… Hmm. Even shakespeare makes more sense, seriously.] Circled with amiable accompany of friends & I value every single jiffy with them. [this got me speechless. Lol.] My ears would be dysfunction without rock songs that make me rock harder than anyone. [My eyes are getting dysfunctional by the minute, trying to make head and tails of what she's writing. Furthermore, the 'make me rock harder than anyone sounds fucking familiar *roars*] A deadly serial camwhore and my mania to photography will never end. [Oh, you have a 'mania' for photography? Hee hee hee. I have a 'mania' for idiots like you too] There is a spot for me in Media Industry and I assure I will earn much gratifying remuneration from it. [Oh my lord. Pray take me away from earth if people like HER are employed in the media industry. Except perhaps besides washing toilets.=s] A female that gets fanatical with the word, soccer and I am a Liverpool fan. [My goodness, YOUR PUNCTUATIONS, YOUNG LADY!] Living in a platform of reality, I fervor all reality TV shows. (I 'fervour' your stupidity too… it give me an endorphin rush XD) Tendency to fall for people who have the same name as me is witty. [Ok, this is it. This has GOT TO MEAN SOMETHING SENSIBLE. Firefox is hiding its translation capabilities and has been translating pages from Uzbekistan to English! >:(]True love is indefatigably waiting. [Ok… I never knew love could tire out though… =/] "
"Love me, & I will love you."I say: Ok! I LOVE YOU….R STUPIDITY! I LOVE IT SO MUCH, I WANT MORE!!! You don't know how happy you make me!!!!1112232 See, you are such a nice person. You love your readers so much, you type horribly to make them laugh like fuck. I love you LAH! :D :D :D :D
************************
I swear, I lost 5 pounds just reading that error ridded, obscenely verbose and (sadly) pathetic attempt at intellectualizing an introduction.
Maybe you should take a look at the framed 'quotation' proudly displayed to the right of the 'introduction'. I swear, you will laugh your balls (or tits) off when you realize how outrageously IMBECILIC IT LOOKS. Its akin to proudly displaying a plaque that exhibits how blindly dependent one is on one's thesaurus and dictionary, without giving a flying fuck about whether or not it can be used as such.
Oh hell, I bet she cannot even pronounce thesaurus properly. >=(
Well, at least she isn't as idiotic as a bimbo who once asked me if a thesaurus was a big or small dinosaur… >.>
And that's not the only good part. Maybe I shall leave her blog posts in her blog for you readers. It makes good toilet reading material, or when you need a script to play the role of the mightiest imbecile in history. But then again, just donning a George Bush mask would suffice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
