Twats are those who mar their blogs with their horribly thesaurus(ed) words, which more than 80% of the time are nth-syllabic (where n denotes the latin version of an integer which is more than or equal to 10, e.g. deca-), and are usually found in the deepest, most ulu-est part of the Oxford dictionary, in the hopes of appearing as intelligent or educated as Queen Elizabeth, if not, more.
Since Twits belong to the leftmost end of the bell curve (see Fig. 1; click to enlarge),
Twats rightfully fall into the opposite extreme, since well, we have to give them credit for having some semblance or, speck, if you may, of this thing called a brain. But of course, they can never be smarter than peas and Hard-O-Gay. :D
Uufooooooooooooooo! \m/
Oh, many apologies to the Twits and Twats out there; go to http://google.com/ to find out what a BRAIN means, since we all know T&Ts lack the above mentioned organ.
Anyway, the General of the Twat Patrol (General hor, don't play play) recently showed me a couple of blogs that got my royal arse laughing non-stop at the atrocious and ridiculous usage of nth-syllabic words; peppered in a random fashion across the pink/black/emo background. I think I shall skip the shit-throwing and show you specially selected excerpts from two blogs.
[WARNING- NOT FOR THE ANAL ENGLISH READER]
(Well, unless you want to die of laughter, hee hee hee)
(Well, unless you want to die of laughter, hee hee hee)
But first, the disclaimers:
1. I am not to be held responsible for a reader's death following his/her patronage to my blog, especially so after reading the hilariously ridiculous shit that's about to be reproduced.
2. I am not a regular reader of ANY of the blogs whose texts I have excerpted. Oh my lord, no. *shudders*
3. I am not to be held responsible for hate tags against those blogs by my readers. I
*wags fingers*
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a) From the blog belonging to Ms. Elfiana.
"It's amusing how viewing my blog have become your daily routine"And surprisingly, the owner of the blog insists that there is NOTHING WRONG with that sentence!
And yes, I AM Dr. Marrion! :D
"I pretended as if i know nothing all this while because i had to.Anyway,i don't have any intension of adding on to this commosion.Each of you are behaving rather childish by blaming one another when the fact is,it's everyone's fault.It's this thing called ego,which made you to continue fighting for your so called right "
Tee hee. Such 'perfecsion' with her words, no? XD
If that didn't get you laughing, here's an Engrish.com-worthy excerpt from Ms. Amirah.
[Pasted in glaring hot pink at the top of the blog:]
- Marvel affability? If you say so… -shrugs-
"Neither am I your middling female friend nor a scene kid across the street. I am a solitude child. My marvel affability is merely to people who can amuse me in just 4 seconds."
- Well, I don't know about the level of my cynicism(s), but her writing really makes me cynical about her purported intelligence...
"Yes I am short but I hold a high level of cynicisms."
"Being called a bitch is so typical unless you bitch with me, I will make sure you ingest your own repugnant junks."
- Ahh. I didn't know I had 'junks' around me; let alone repugnant. *looks around self* What do 'repugnant junks' look like anyway?
"An irksome stalker & an incomparable listener you decide. Randomization flows in my every single bloodstream, mind you."
- Ok, give me a moment to digest "randomization". I thought there was a proper noun to describe 'random'. Or did the thesaurus and/or dictionary leave out the word 'randomness'?
" Deeply scrutinize people body languages & conversations is my daily unfathomable diversion."
- PHOWAAAR! She has a 'daily unfathomable diversion' y'all! All hail the Queen of Daily Unfathomable Diversions! XD
"Simplicity materialize to be perfect."
- "The wind blows, the turtle is wounded." - or so says a random Japanese T-shirt from Engrish.com -shrugs-
[side track- I MUST REALLY SEND THIS TO ENGRISH.COM. SERIOUSLY.]
And that's only the first half of the introduction. Here's the equally (if not more) ridiculous second part:
"Have a preference being unaccompanied in my dark room where only stars glow"
- You mean stars can exist and glow in rooms? O_O
"bla bla bla... than being stared by galling human beings."
- I've never come across a 'galling human being' before…
BLA BLA BLA, one whole chunk of rubbish (in red):"Only my Mom knows me the best and impede from portraying theatrical acts about you and me. [So therefore I should hinder the portrayal of theatrical acts with regards to her and myself… Hmm. Even shakespeare makes more sense, seriously.] Circled with amiable accompany of friends & I value every single jiffy with them. [this got me speechless. Lol.] My ears would be dysfunction without rock songs that make me rock harder than anyone. [My eyes are getting dysfunctional by the minute, trying to make head and tails of what she's writing. Furthermore, the 'make me rock harder than anyone sounds fucking familiar *roars*] A deadly serial camwhore and my mania to photography will never end. [Oh, you have a 'mania' for photography? Hee hee hee. I have a 'mania' for idiots like you too] There is a spot for me in Media Industry and I assure I will earn much gratifying remuneration from it. [Oh my lord. Pray take me away from earth if people like HER are employed in the media industry. Except perhaps besides washing toilets.=s] A female that gets fanatical with the word, soccer and I am a Liverpool fan. [My goodness, YOUR PUNCTUATIONS, YOUNG LADY!] Living in a platform of reality, I fervor all reality TV shows. (I 'fervour' your stupidity too… it give me an endorphin rush XD) Tendency to fall for people who have the same name as me is witty. [Ok, this is it. This has GOT TO MEAN SOMETHING SENSIBLE. Firefox is hiding its translation capabilities and has been translating pages from Uzbekistan to English! >:(]True love is indefatigably waiting. [Ok… I never knew love could tire out though… =/] "
"Love me, & I will love you."I say: Ok! I LOVE YOU….R STUPIDITY! I LOVE IT SO MUCH, I WANT MORE!!! You don't know how happy you make me!!!!1112232 See, you are such a nice person. You love your readers so much, you type horribly to make them laugh like fuck. I love you LAH! :D :D :D :D
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I swear, I lost 5 pounds just reading that error ridded, obscenely verbose and (sadly) pathetic attempt at intellectualizing an introduction.
Maybe you should take a look at the framed 'quotation' proudly displayed to the right of the 'introduction'. I swear, you will laugh your balls (or tits) off when you realize how outrageously IMBECILIC IT LOOKS. Its akin to proudly displaying a plaque that exhibits how blindly dependent one is on one's thesaurus and dictionary, without giving a flying fuck about whether or not it can be used as such.
Oh hell, I bet she cannot even pronounce thesaurus properly. >=(
Well, at least she isn't as idiotic as a bimbo who once asked me if a thesaurus was a big or small dinosaur… >.>
And that's not the only good part. Maybe I shall leave her blog posts in her blog for you readers. It makes good toilet reading material, or when you need a script to play the role of the mightiest imbecile in history. But then again, just donning a George Bush mask would suffice.
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